Cheese! nomnomnom!

Do you know,
When I'm down, just looking at you cheers me up, even if just a bit, even when I don't show it?
I always wonder.. why in the end.. I'm always the one starting up all the troubles..
Never once I heard a sorry from you.. cos I'm always the one starting up all the troubles.. which makes me apologise.. I know I -always- think too much and being sensitive..
How you raise your voice towards me.. and can laugh at someone's remark a sec later..
Do you know..
How I wish that you can talk to me.. mostly the first to talk to me.. when I'm down.. and not the other way round.. don't forget.. who start first.. we each have our own view..
I started talking.. but a small argument started.. and you tell me to shaddupx3..
That is when I wish really hard that you can really speak to me.. letting me know its alright to talk to you again..
You didn't.. and no matter how I wish to speak.. I don't dare.. cos just by your last words.. I'm so scared.. so afraid.. that something worse will even happen if I speak..

Bring up courage to sms.. your replies really make me break down.. saying that I'm the one that started to put the blame on you.. that I'm just putting on my vents and attitudes to you all.. thats why you don't feel obligated to talk to me.. and wanted me to talk to you first.. when I succeed in doing is making things worse..
Before cab and in cab.. I felt so non-existent.. To see you guys laughing and joking.. While I'm at a corner.. just practically doing nothing.. and in my mind? Is to wish you walk up to me.. and be like before.. just playing a prank or talk afew words..

Like I said.. I don't show that I cheered up doesn't mean I'm rejecting you.. same as how you say you don't show that you care doesn't mean that your being z to me..

I guess.. if this keeps going on.. I really don't feel a need to even exist..