Cheese! nomnomnom!

Random complants/vents. Your advised not to read on. It's my blog for my rantings and so on, that will happen once a blue moon, hopefully.

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Another new day, and I'm so not looking forward to each day.

I hate family problems, especially financially.
I hate being nagged continuously and stressed on every single day.
I hate it when I felt like I'm the sole provider for the household.
I hate it that my sis has the money, and spends everything away on fashion and brands and blah.
I hate it when my sis treat the house as a hotel, doesn't come back for days, and once she did, only comes back at night, and gone the next morning.
I hate it that my sis doesn't care or bother at all when this particular problem happens.
I hate it that we have 0% of sister bonding. Sister/stranger, whats the diff?
I hate myself for stressing and thinking of this everyday.
I hate it that I can't survive this month even when I got my pay cheque etc.
I hate it that I'm working and earning, but all the money ain't for me.
I hate it that I can't even deposit abit of what I earned towards my savings.
I hate it that I can't even use abit of my earnings for transportation etc since I have no allowance at all.
I hate being poor, alot.
So many hates on just one thing, and too many for me to list down.

'Money makes the world go round.'-> Thats what I heard from wayne.
It's starting to make me more money-minded if this continues, thanks to my mum.
Won't be surprised if I just started breaking down anywhere, anytime.
It makes me feel like giving up working and just let this family collapse.
Peeps work to save up, to give some/half of their earnings to their parents, or stuffs that they wanted to buy.
Whats the reason of working when I felt like a complete slave and a sole provider in my family? I can't go out at all, or I can't go out much without worrying money this and money that. It's like comon, I got nagged the moment I step -out of doors=waste money-.
Its seriously affecting me everyday, making me lose motivation over things that I like to do, places I like to go.
It's making me more envious of peeps who have a loving family and doesn't worry at all about money/financial probs or having themselves involved in it.
I just wanna give up, and stayed at home being a potato couch.
I just don't wanna do anything at all.

Sigh.. No good wasting time since the moment I'm born. No good wasting my life away due to this. Theres afew peeps out there whos gone through worse than me, and able to do well and all.
I wonder when I will have my freedom. I'm gonna be 21 this year, but its a fact that my parents literally controlled my life. Where to study, what to study, now telling me what to work as well, and even if I've searched for a job and waiting for my email about a interview, they are already asking me when I'm starting to work, when I will get paid, how much I will earn. Comon, I haven't even receive a confirmation email for the interview and its still far long apart for me to start working even if I pass! Damn pressures. Stop pushing me against the wall, theres already a damn big crack there!!

Just one thing, can seriously messed up my life and my mind if I don't find a way to solve this, though the only way now, is get a stable job, doubt I will enjoy if I got it, thanks to the naggings and the stress/pressure each and every day.

Since sec 3 till now? My life has been fucked up. I will do my best to make it turn right again. At least, before I reach my breaking point.
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I guess, its very difficult for me not to rely on anyone or vent on when this situation happens.
Just hoping I will get the email soon so I can finally stop hearing the naggings from my parents.
I wish to go there with you, hahaz call it paradise somemore, so cute la you:)
Wells.. can go when I got money.. that is.. if I can ever get them..
Still waiting patiently, one or 2 days left:)
Though smsing you being cheerful and all, trying not to let you feel something is wrong, but within, my mind's slowly breaking apart.
If this thing continues somemore, I will just emotionally burst anytime.
Sigh.. I can't take it..
How I wish.. your by my side at times like this.. Hahaz, selfish mex.x But nope, want you to enjoy your days:)
Red monkey, coming back anytime! hahaz, can't wait:)