Cheese! nomnomnom!

Blogging another post today, or tonight hahaz.
Time check: 3.41am.
Guess I just can't sleep eh, have to blog a post, then I can sleep.
Thats whats been happening for the past few days.
Latest I've slept is 5+ hahaz.
Just can't get over some stuffs.
Sorry to those peeps whom I've talk in a moody tone. Thats how I've been talking pretty much this few days.

Anyways. Supposed to be at home whole day as usual due to no money. But josh decided to pull me out of my shell during the evening. Was rushing like mad before I reach the place where I'm meeting up, and I reached just in time hahaz.
Met new peeps, especially zhang lang, hahaz. Can recognise him irl even when I've only seen his pic on fb.
Overall, I enjoyed the night, though I got bored during the beginning. The peeps are alright, was hoping they don't mind my last minute arrival, but overall, they don't mind, I think. Hahaz. Plus I'm the youngest among them haha. Felt puny. But when yang jun started drawing stuffs on paper to let us guess what he drew, the tension starts to drop. Thanks josh, for tempting me out lols, and pulling me out of my shell. Lets hope one day, this anti-social shell of mine is gone literally.

Less than 1 week left. I didn't practiced dizi at all. I hope I won't throw Ronald's face away. I've been deproving lately due to some matters. Easily distracted, and no mood. My feelings are totally, into the drain. Worst come to worst, practice the songs for next week at a corner on tues and wed.

I'm scared. I'm reluctant. I dread 11th sep to come.

Oh yea, in the end I can't buy anything from IT fair at all.
Surprise surprise, my bank is left with 200 bucks. I wonder what happen to the 100 bucks. I didn't withdraw any money. Sigh. Guess this 200 bucks of mine, will be gone in the mid of sep. Damnit. Stress. More moody. Guess it'll be a very long time till I can really be happy through getting what I wish and wanted.

But overall, its very difficult for me to smile within for some days.
Been crying, nearly every night. Stupid right?
Kept telling myself to be strong. But when a certain thing happens, its like all the air has been beaten out from me. Like I can't breathe, suffocating. The next thing I knew I broke down, badly. Of cos, whenever I broke down, I don't find anyone there for me. Alone and being lonely. Thats how I went back to my shell and build a barrier around me. But I'm glad, there are afew specific peeps, who can really make me cheer up without them knowing. Be it msning, smsing, face to face, or even fb. Just chatting with peeps who didn't know I'm depress or moody, them chatting happily, it really -does- brighten up my mood, be it a lil bit or alot.
Just like tonight. And yep, the golden retriever, Love, really brightens me up alot..:)
Even lately, I posted vids and all, being excited etc. But yet again, those are vids that tempo cheers me up. After awhile I'm back to the same moody me. Didn't want to bother any peeps or letting them know I'm moody, unless they are reading this blog hahaz.
I just don't wish to trouble them, to those who are really concerned about me. I don't want them to be affected(-ve) by my troubles. If they are happy, I want them to continue being happy, and not being dampen due to my problem. As usual, the main thing on my mind when stupid stuffs happens to me: hope that peeps around me won't get affected nor involved. Rather they be happy, and be oblivious. But yea, the moment if anyone started to find something amiss, and started asking me, -boom-, I ranted everything straight at them.
Thats how I am, accumulating everything -ve thing, even when its been filled to the brim. So filled that, it can explode through any questions or just by talking/ concerns.

When things are finally settled down, or when I've started to cheer up bit by bit as the day passes, I might start a new blog.
Been blogging for 3-4 years in this blog, the happy stuffs, the crazy stuffs, the sad stuffs, the depressing stuffs. All of them in this 478 posts of mine.
Seriously don't know whether I should leave the past times behind, and start a whole new chapter in a new blog.
Sigh. I don't know what to think anymore. Mind already exploding. Financial crisis.
And... I can still think about my sis's bday gift.. which I haven't even buy yet for her.. Don't know what she likes.. Really hoping to buy her a good gift, not cheap budget, before she comes back from Phuket, which is tmw.. 200 bucks for this month.. Haiz. Its pretty weird if I can break down even now over a birthday gift now right? Wells, I've been weird lately, so its normal for me. Have so many probs on myself now, but I can still worry about haven buying a gift for my sis yet.

Omg, another post with weird ramblings and random thinkings. And now all of them are -ve. Haiz. Guess its getting more worse in my life atm. Awaiting for the turning point..
Time check: 4.17am.
And yea, been sleeping till afternoon then I can wake up lately. Sometimes, I just don't find a reason to wake up at all. Sometimes, I wish I can continue to sleep. For Days. Besides my family, who else will know about it? None, I guess.

Time to sleep. Boy's scratching the board, cos theres thunderstorms now. His afraid of thunders hahaz. Nitez world. Thunderstorms are accompany gen to sleep. A great night for her current state of mind now.